This blog was inspired by my fascination to display the discovering of new, underground artists and their music. Throughout this blog, I have grown and have been exposed to many challenges in life that allows my journey on this Mission Possible be as exciting as it is. As time goes by, I have discovered a lot about myself that I am sure others can relate to.
Recently, I have been on a marathon of achievements as I gain experience by challenging myself to greater things bigger than myself, such as speaking in front of crowds about my experiences. I had the opportunity to share two of my stories with New Life United Methodist Church and how I managed my conflict. I received a lot of encouragement and respect for my honesty. I show no shame in what I have gone through. This is my story:
The New Year had just begun and I was ready to kick off the semester so that I can be on the Dean’s List once again. I went to Orlando for the weekend to celebrate my then boyfriend’s birthday. Or so I thought. Upon going I remember my father asking me "Why don’t you spend the weekend with us in Tampa?" “Oh, Dad, I just want to stay at Daja’s house and get to know her family.” I lied. The whole weekend was a disaster. As soon as I got to Orlando, my asthma started kicking in and my boyfriend and I were arguing. I had to call my parents so that they can come bring me asthma medicine. My family came as quick as they could. I felt better, until we went out to dinner and my father pulled me aside to tell me he had news for me. He told me my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. While writing this speech, I am getting emotional because as I recap the chain of events, a massive feeling of guilt takes over me. I tried to hold in my tears, but as soon as I laid eyes on my beautiful innocent mother, I burst. My asthma started to kick back in and I panicked. Why my mother? Is it my fault? Being the spiritual person that my mother is, she calmed me down and told me that everything would be all right. But everything was not really all right. My success that spring semester was a total failure. I went from Dean’s List to Academic Probation Warning. I dealt with my problems the wrong way; I was out all night, I skipped a lot of class, I tried to occupy myself with what I thought was "fun." Yet my mother was still sick with cancer. That summer, I went home. I had to see and help my mother go through chemotherapy. I too felt like I was diagnosed. The hardest part was while I was sweeping the house, majority of what I swept was my mothers falling hair. I could not deal. How did I manage my conflict? I honestly didn’t. My grades dropped horribly. My attitude was no better. But the good news is that, my mother survived. She survived with all of her prayers and faith. Whenever I feel like not getting up in the morning or I lose faith in something, I use my mother as an example of hope. As it says in Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Today, I realize that my mother did not suffer breast cancer. Breast cancer was a sign from the Lord that as individuals, as a family, we can conquer everything. Breast cancer wasn’t the lesson learned; it is how I am able to deal with the effects that come with it. I look up to my mother and I am so proud to see her spirit come to life through me.
I am a blessed child, always have been and always will be. But I was infected with a disease. A disease from what most people know as the Sticky Fingers. I would walk up in any store and take what ever it was that I wanted. I was grown enough to know right from wrong. I believed that stealing would only be wrong if I were to get caught. So for a long time, I was supporting myself by taking things from stores without paying for it. I felt no remorse. I did as I pleased. Of course, everything that is done in the dark, will indeed, comes to light. So it finally caught up with me. I was at the store, taking things, and as I was headed for the exit, security caught me and told me to come with him. He had informed me that I was caught on camera taking a bathing suit. They wanted it back. I thought “Oh, that’s it? Chuckles* Here take your bathing suit.” As I took it out, all of the other stuff came out too. By then I knew I was in major trouble. Because I did not reside in the county the store was located, I was arrested. I did not argue, I did not complain, I simple accepted the consequences. For I believed that this time had to come, if not, something worse would have occurred. I had to change into the jail clothes, sit in the cell, go through the whole procedure. After my parents bailed me out, it hit me really hard what I had just committed. A crime is a crime. No matter how big or small. I cried, but not feeling sorrow for myself, I felt awful for my parents, that I had to drag them down with me. I went back to school, scared for my life thinking that I will get my financial aid taken away and that I would have to serve more days in jail. I was a nervous wreck. After I did my research, I was determined to redeem myself. I worked harder than ever in school, I seeked opportunities, and I cleaned my life up. I was ashamed that I have this on my record but I no longer live in caution. Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. And did He give me strength indeed. I am stronger than I have ever been. I no longer dwell on my arrest; I praise it for it has allowed me to talk about my experience with others. It has taught me to be responsible for my actions. I don’t wait for a tragedy to occur in order to redeem myself. I work harder everyday and seek opportunities that will outdo my arrest. I made a mistake that will always be engraved in my memories for encouragement.
My mission statement is to spread awareness on the importance of nature. As technology expands, as a whole, we tend to forget the value of nature and how it is a major part of our lives. It is a part of nature to possibly be diagnosed with a disease or know somebody close to you with a sickness. I have the experience; I can relate to the person and help bring them out of their misery. Throughout my mother’s sickness, I did not have anybody who knew how it felt to talk to. I had to help myself out of the depression that I was in. And I was able to succeed by regaining my faith. I have helped others out of their misery. It brings me closer to God when I am able to help others. People fall into temptation everyday and tend to forget about the consequences, and even more not fully know how to deal with the consequences in a responsible way. I believe that God has blessed me with a special gift to help others deal with their troubles. I don’t regret anything that I have been through for it has made me the strong person that I am today. As I like to say, What does not kill me, makes me stronger, so I must be on steroids. Figuratively speaking of course.